Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
