I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
