Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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