I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Randomize
