We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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