Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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