one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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