I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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