fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
sex in a hospital.. check
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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