And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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