we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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