omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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