Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
