she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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