I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
