tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
