I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
