You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
