My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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