Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I wear drunk well.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
