I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
