There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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