I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Green mimosas i think yes
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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