after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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