I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
