We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
