Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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