yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
