I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
