we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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