After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
