he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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