u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
