Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
