I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
