I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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