I think i peed on brittanys purse
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
