Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
