so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
