Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
