my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You may now shotgun with the bride
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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