I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
