I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
