I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My ass is underappreciated
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
