we have pet lesbian snakes
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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