Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
