his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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