i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
