someone threw a dead crab at me
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize