Where did you get a picture of my penis
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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