So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
