He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
