she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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