i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i've created a new STD.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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