It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize