Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
