She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
