he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
