She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
