I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
