3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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