We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
time to smoke my breakfast
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Randomize
