maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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