Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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