Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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