somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
