i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
