Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
People in love make me want to vomit
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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