That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
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