Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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