if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
