Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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