If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
