I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
