She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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