That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
