i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
