He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
