so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
