i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
