I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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