Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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