I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Enjoy the penises
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
