From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Randomize
