i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So vagazzling was a success
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
