check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
