I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
wow bdsm is so cute
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