I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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