I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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