I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
