Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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