At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Watching her eat just hurts me
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
