Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
