Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
